It has been long since I wrote my last post. Long enough that I sometimes worry if I will ever be able to write again. However, I read on a friend’s page that one is always an author, even when the writing may not be frequent or regular. Coincidentally, the slow pace of my blogs is correlated with marriage. So is there a connection? Or am I deriving causation from correlation? More broadly, how has marriage changed my life?
As a single woman, I loved the independence to eat, sleep and live life with absolutely no dependencies. I would come home, sit on the couch and read; while mom took care of all the household work and gave me my dinner on the table. I did not know how to wash clothes, I only cooked when I wanted to and I slept till 11AMs most weekends. So marriage does sound depressing, huh?
Well..Amidst all this independence, I wanted to be with a soul mate. I never wanted to marry for the heck of it. I never wanted to compromise on the value system match. And I met a lot of incompatible folks. I was advised to write the description of an ideal life partner. I wrote it but never believed someone like that could exist.
But now, all of the wait has been worth it. Never in my life have I felt so blessed, so loved for and so much respected. Never in my life did I always wake up with a smile which broadens as I look at the face next to me.
How has life changed?
- I have become more fearless. My partner supports me in everything I want to try in life. He teaches me life is not a target. He acknowledges my first shot in squash, first step in a dance and first win in badminton. He participates with me in everything, even if he is tired . I am more willing to try life now. I have played so many new sports, participated in activities and did things I never did. I am not worried I would not produce another book. If it does not happen, it does not happen.
- I have become kinder. When he sees a cockroach upside down on the road, he stops and puts the insect back on its feet. He feels bad when the insect dies. He talks to every guard in the society. He books free air tickets for people so they can go to their home town if they are in distress. He donates everyday and has no two thoughts about the amounts. He volunteers with me. I always thought I was soft inside. But my soul mate tells me I only touched the tip of the iceberg.
- I have become more thoughtful and aware of my environment. He teaches me to appreciate every leaf, every insect around me. He rejoices at the stars. He observes the sky and describes it beautifully. He shows me little ways of being happy and grateful to God. We have not done any exotic vacation, not even for honeymoon. But we have found bliss in doing trivial things together.
- With him, I can be completely myself. Nothing to hide, nothing to be ashamed of, nothing to be afraid to discuss. It is a different feeling when you are loved unconditionally and without judgements.
- I have become a better cook. Or may be he compliments me a lot 🙂
- I have become indisciplined. Don’t know if it is good or bad, but I no longer plan my exercises and take my day as it comes. I don’t read regularly as I find more value in his company. I don’t set targets.
- I have become more responsible. I feel awesome to keep his things in place, cook for him, spend time with both sides of parents. I owe this much to my small world.
- I feel protected. He can take on the world for me. He has proved that so many times.
- I do not call friends that regularly as I have found a friend, philosopher, guide – all in one. He can be sporty when I am in a mood for some fun; he can turn to a spiritual guru when he sees me in pain; he can also become a career guide when I need some advice. He is my one-stop-company now (so much so that sometimes I forget to even call mum)
- I feel assured that my mum is being taken care of.
My day now starts with not wanting to leave his side and ends with holding his hand as I close my eyes for the day. He has brought a new meaning to my existence. And he has been life’s most valuable gift to me. Life has changed. Thanks to him, I am en-route to becoming a purer soul.